The “Difficult” Employee and the Unifying Leader
Every leader eventually encounters the so-called “difficult employee.” You know them - the one who seems obstinate, who resists direction, or who insists on doing things their own way.
It’s tempting to believe the problem lies with them.
But in my experience, that mindset keeps leaders stuck.
What I Learned the Hard Way
Early in my career, when I faced a “difficult” team member, my natural tendency was to avoid the issue. And when I didn’t avoid it, I often defaulted to blame (or did both).
Later in my career, I realized I needed a different approach. I learned to be more patient and more intentional. I learned to strategize ways to understand the individual and integrate them into the team. That shift changed everything.
The Trap of “Fixing” People
A lot of leaders are fixers by nature. When someone isn’t meshing, we rush to fix them:
A coaching conversation here.
A stricter directive there.
And if those don’t work, formal discipline, a performance improvement plan, or even separation.
The problem is, this quickly becomes a vicious cycle of stick-led leadership. The more “fixes” fail, the harsher the response. And the harsher the response, the more resentment and fear we create.
What started as one “difficult” employee can become a whole team morale issue.
A Different Approach
Here’s what I’ve learned works better:
Get to know the person as a person.
Often, non-work factors influence performance and personality. Understanding someone’s context helps you lead them with empathy.Be intentional.
There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. Each person brings unique communication styles, needs, skills, and contributions. Lead accordingly.Get to know the whole team.
When you know everyone, you can better move them in the same direction, manage personalities, and play to strengths.Invest in team unity outside of work.
Shared experiences such as team lunches, offsite activities, and informal conversations build camaraderie and reduce isolation.
The A-Ha Moment
Here’s the breakthrough:
A “difficult” employee may not be the root of the problem. Sometimes, the real issue is how the leader approaches unity.
When leaders stop asking “What’s wrong with them?” and start asking “What can I do differently?”, the dynamic changes.
As The Anatomy of Peace puts it: “When I see others as people, not objects, I begin to see new ways to work with them rather than against them.”
Final Thought
If you’ve ever had a “difficult” employee, you’re not alone - every leader has.
The opportunity is to see those moments not as a reason to punish or avoid, but as an invitation to grow as a leader — to build unity instead of division.
Because more often than not, what looks like a people problem is really a leadership opportunity.
Want to explore how your leadership style might be impacting unity on your team? Try the free Fail-Safe Leadership Assessment. It’s a simple way to uncover blind spots and growth opportunities!